Check out what’s being said about our summer season that kicked off last night with Beyond Therapy–http://www.ubertati.com/

then, come on out tonight to see Barefoot in the Park!

and there’s extra fun on Saturday night–you will get a chance to experience what the world will be like when Michele is its Supreme Ruler!  At 8, Beyond Therapy.  Then, stick around for a super-special late night concert with Michele’s favorite band, The Winter Sounds!  you can check them out ahead of time at www.thewintersounds.com.  You will not only hear some great music, you will see Michele turn into the giddy fangirl she tries (not successfully at all) to hide from the public.

st. patrick’s day is my favorite holiday.  i am not irish, but i can pass for it, in fact people assume it…  red hair and all its stereotypes… i am scottish, i do not have a short temper (we scots prefer to hold a grudge for a very long time)…but i digress…

back to st. patrick–i observe the day by speaking in an irish dialect all day long.  this is great fun when i am teaching, because it throws the students off and makes them pay close attention to everything i say.  but this year, i don’t teach on the grand day.  i will be sitting in front of the computer having very little speaking time.  so, i have decided to declare this st. patrick’s week!  i started celebrating on saturday by going to the st. pat’s at five points festival in columbia http://www.stpatsinfivepoints.com/)(.  that was the most un-irish gathering i have ever seen!  people were drinking abominable green beer (putting artificial coloring in bud lite does not make it irish!) and listening to american bands.  okay, so i had a fantastic time at the mutemath show (http://www.mutemath.com/), and i messed up my hearing listening to seven nations (http://www.sevennations.com/)and their bagpipe rock, but it wasn’t irish…

anyway, i will be using dialect this week–for the whole week–and i think you should celebrate, too.  people get months to observe christmas, why can’t we take a week to honour the man who drove out the snakes?  so, go drink some irish beer or whiskey or poteen and eat some potatoes for the grand saint’s sake!  and don’t forget to sign the propostion 3-17 petition (http://www.proposition317.com/Gateway.aspx)!

and this is what she shares:

over in costume land, i used to avoid the phone.  i didn’t want to deal with the stupid questions.  but in the last few days, i have jumped to answer to phone.  when you get stupid questions, you get to give stupid answers!  people always call to ask, "where are you located?"  i give them the address.  usually they already know that because they looked in the phone book.  fact:  there is a map in the phone book!  one coworker who often gets the question, "are you before or after the chik-fil-a?" always answers, "after!"  if they don’t know enough to tell her the direction they are headed, too bad.

yesterday, while about 15 people stood in line to check out and the rest of the store buzzed with people, one caller wanted to know, "what kind of costumes do you have for women?"  and "what should i dress up as?"  i did my best to kindly tell her to come and pick out her own costume because i was pretty busy, but she kept talking…really, if she needs someone to talk to, there are helplines for that.

one more:  a man came in to get a costume for his daughter who needed to dress up as a saint for school.  saints, like all other people span alot of history, folks.  while i tried to come up with creative "saint costumes"–fake eyes for st. lucy, arrows for st. sebastian…he called his wife.  she needed to dress up as saint gianna beretta molla, a doctor who died in 1962.  and she needed a costume…why?

just two more days of fun!  have i inspired anyone to skip the costumes this year?

my costume coworker, patrick, came to the break room yesterday with a look of shock.  "i think i may have killed one of our customers."

a young black man was looking for a military "costume."  he pointed to one of the hats, "that’s the one i like!"  patrick handed him the general’s hat.  "no, that one," he said, pointing to the one on the top shelf.  now, please understand, as a theatrical costume shop, we have hats that we wouldn’t recommend.  theatres are always bound to produce those awful stories of europe in world war II.  yes, the man wanted the hat with the golden eagle of the third reich.  patrick tried to discreetly discourage the man, but he didn’t quite get it.  thankfully, the matching uniform with its swastika was not in his size, so he chose a u.s. marine corp. coat.  so that poor ignorant man is going out friday night with a marine’s uniform and nazi hat.  i hope he doesn’t run in to any real marines!

i thought i should put something positive about this whole costume-sales experience.  some people really are creative!

one girl going to a 1980’s theme party is dressing up at a wuzzle.  remember that short-lived disney cartoon with combination animals like the bumblion, eleroo, and butterbear?  that made my day!

i finally convinced someone to go as belatrix lestrange!

the guy who bought the bodybuilder suit (a flesh-colored suit stuffed to look like muscles) made be giggle.  he was so excited.

props to the two people creating a harvey dent/twoface make-up and wig–that is a courageous undertaking.  i hope they bring me pictures!

and i love the girl who bought the cute marie antoinette dress.  she also has a prosthetic piece that looks like a cut throat held together with safety pins.  her date is going as an executioner.  my faith in 15 year-olds is restored!

my long day (11 hours of retail) began with a woman who could make the stupid costume question record books.  she wanted to dress up for her grandkids, "maybe a snowman?  i don’t know.  show me the costumes you have." 

"which costumes?"

"oh, everything you have."

"can you narrow it down a little? i can’t really bring up the entire warehouse."

so, i went looking for her snowman, and brought up a few that might make her happy.  when i returned, she was trying on the queen amidala headpiece.  i said, "oh, you think you might be queen amidala?"

"who is that?"

"the costume you have on.  from star wars?"

"would my granddaughters know who that is?"

i told her she might want to keep looking, if she didn’t know what that was…  next, i showed her the cat in the hat.  her reply?  "who is that?"

"the cat in the hat"

"would my 7 year old granddaughters know him?"

this was not going to get easier.  she really wanted to be a superhero (after all the fairytale characters had been exhausted), and she thought her husband could be batman.  i gave her the packaged (to buy, not rent) batgirl and batman costumes.  they are the same price as a rental, without me needing to explain the "security deposit" concept to her.  "oh, i won’t ever need these again, don’t you have something i can rent?"  now, superhero women don’t tend to wear flattering clothing, so i knew she would want the spandex i was about to show her, but i brought them anyway.  "they look awfully small!" 

"well, ma’am, they are pretty form fitting."

"well, i guess i buy these.  do you think i should?  maybe i should be a snowman?"

yesterday’s costume gems:

caller: "my son needs to dress up like a historical character.  do you have anything like that"

me: "we sure do.  what time period or person?"

caller: "he didn’t say.  what does it look like?"

me:  "can you narrow it down just a little?  there is a lot of history."

every year a couple throws a big party, and we help them outfit their guests.  this year’s theme is "go to hell."  guests can dress as anything you might find in hell.  we even made them a list of notorious people one would assume you’d find in hell.  and every day, someone comes in and can’t think of a single thing to dress up as.  they think this is the hardest theme ever.  they want us to suggest a costume.  then they reject everything we give them.  no want wants my pilgrim costume (an actual salem witch) or the roman dress (nero’s mother).  these older women want to be "sexy."  i gave one woman a medusa costume.  she bought it, but said, "i don’t even know who this is."

and, yes, some guy asked for a vampire.  no one believes me when i tell them they don’t need a costume…

if you read my comments on halloween costumes, you know that i am working in a costume shop.  working in retail always brings brushes with stupid people, but for some reason, costume customers seems to be the cream of the stupid crop.  or maybe forcing the non-artistic to be creative just brings it all to the surface. anyway, my tongue is sore from all the times i have bitten it in the last few days trying not to be rude.  let me tell you, the customer is NOT always right! 

yesterday’s gem was the woman who said, "cleopatra was during the renaissance, right?" 

there was also a woman with shoulder-length brown hair asking for a sarah palin wig.  really?  she could not comprehend using her own hair and just styling it.  of course, she would have to style a wig, too, but that didn’t sink in either.  then she asked me what kind of costume she would wear to be sarah palin.  really?

or the woman who wanted a "real-looking pistol" for her son dressing as indiana jones.  i showed her the "indiana jones" brand gun.  she said, "oh, we have that one, but it is orange and blue.  we want one that looks real."  i had to explain to a mother of an elementary school student that for her son’s safety, i could not sell them a "real-looking gun."  do these people live under rocks where it is okay for kids to carry guns around?

and why is it that everyone wants a confederate soldier on the same day?  saturday everyone wanted 1700s costumes.  are there assigned days for certain time periods that i don’t know about? 

last night was theatre thursday at the northgate soda shop.  as you can imagine, that group is like one big greenroom.  so, i think quotes from the soda shop are open for blogging!  here’s my favororite from Marvin Riggins, Jr., currently appearing in Tomfoolery at Centre Stage:

"i think someone just fell.  no, maybe they won."  –commenting on olympic coverage

i’m a christian!  hell, i have the whole bible on my iphone!"