As we have seen, I’m a sucker for crazy forwards, and since I don’t actully forward them on that often, I just like to laugh at them, thought i would share a few pictures from a recent forward I got.

Last night Anne, Michele, and I (Jared) did our second annual GIG for the GCYO (Greenville County Youth Orchestra). 
We had a blast performing for some Greenville’s most musically talented kids.  After a couple of our quick staple games (ABC and Emowaiter-which has evolved into EMO Starbucks now) we brought of few kids up to try their improv talent out as well.  THEY WERE AWESOME.  Not only did we see a truly frightening vision of someone with agoraphobia, but we got some great characters with attitude, fear, and enthusiasm. 
We also did emo orchestra with them and some really timid volunteers came out of their shell to put on a great show for their friends.
Tonight it is off to Converse College for a performance!  We will keep you posted on how it goes.
Interested in booking DG for a performance for your group, meeting, function, or just because, check out the link on our home page at www.thedistractedglobe.com

OH MY GOD! I am still searching for my own ass because I laughed it off last night! If you did not go to the SOLD OUT opening performance for THREE CUCKOLDS, get your ass in gear, buy a ticket and hold on for a laugh riot of a show. Yes I am biased because the love of my life put on the comedic performance of his life (Mr. Bradburn that means you!), but there was not a moment in that show where I even had a chance to catch my breath from the extreme laughter that was coming out of me. Side note- I was that somewhat obnouxious cackle that came from house right all evening! Of course how could you go wrong in a show that features some of Greenville’s funniest actors (6 of 8 who have performed with DG this past summer!) However, since I am going to be partial to all my friends and fellow globesters i believe we are calling each other now, why don’t you check out the review on Greenvilleonline.com for a more "fair and balanced" review.

Blog is open:

10:22:  Katy Beth scores a direct hit on Rhyd’s jewels.

10:21:  The difficulty of spelling “occasion.”

10:18:  “You really are a crappy friend.”  “Only a good friend would tell you that.”

10:16:  ”Patsy Cline? I thought she crashed in a plane.”  “No, that was Emelia Aerhart.”

9:56 - “I love jews.” - Ryan

9:22 - stunning rendention of “Barbie Girl”.  Yes, “Barbie Girl” was sung by the same band that sang the hit techo song, “Cartoon Heroes”.

8:59 - Mae tapes the mimes together, thus making them siamese mimes but only temporarily. She then frees them and they escape from her clutches. Says Erika, “I have never been upside-down for so long in my life.”

8:48 - “Dude I’m living on Mars and speaking Venetian.” - THE Brock Koonce

8:45 - Michele also ponders the gummi bear superiority scale.  those extra colorful ones from Mast General Store are the gold medal winners of gummi bears.  no ordinary gummi bears will be sufficient in the future.

8:34 - Jorge is so afraid, he is asleep on the couch.

8:26 - “Jorge’s afraid of me.  That’s because I beat him in Guam.” - Kim

8:24 - “That is going to be my inspiration - Burberry Vampire Barbie.” - Michele (note - Michele has now trademarked this idea… so back off!)

8:23 - “It’s kind of like that bur bur… or burberry… that bur stuff.” - Kim

8:20 - I need to tell you… there is a 1966 class photo sitting next to the computer.  It’s all girls… I’d guess they’re 15 or 16… and it appears to be pajama day.  They’re holding stuffed animals and boxes of Fruit Loops and such.  I have no idea whose it is or why it’s here.  But they’re sitting here staring at me, so I thought I would share that with the world.

8:18 - Jen can’t help but wonder what exactly makes some gummy bears so superior to others.  I know that’s not necessarily all that important to what’s going on here tonight… but it’s on my mind.  Back off.

8:11 - Kim and Mae discuss last night’s contest:Kim- “Well, we had an artist on our team.”  Mae-”Yeah, like my dad’s not an artist?”  Kim- “but we had a frou-frou fruit loop artist.” (Can you guess who was on Kim’s team?)

8:09 - Kim Kluge agrees with 7:38 PM

8:00 - oh wait… there are still people buying tickets.  I guess we’ll let them do that.

7:59: we’re checking the lobby, and it looks like things just might get started on time!  Woohoo!

7:49:  Mad libs.  Could things get any more hilarious?  Wow, theatre people sure know how to have a good time.

7:46: “Don’t be afraid of your geekish knowledge!”  - Jayce

7:44–Gibberish is the word for the day.  And Kim is a little tipsy.

7:42–Everyone starts working on getting a sugar high.

7:38 Kim about Andy- “he does what i command, it’s wonderful”

7:37 - “Sarcasm makes me hot.” –Jayce

7:18 Nothing quotable yet, but a very strange things going on… stay tuned.  Up until this point, there have been many interesting conversations; everyone’s got a little bit of an edge tonight. 

Let the blogging begin:

10:15 - And that’s a wrap!  See you tomorrow night… same Bat time… same Bat channel!

10:08 - "Blog this Rick, somebody just asked me why is there an English officer in the French Army?" Ryan the Great.

10:07 - "Exposition, those pages should be gray."  Just regular Rick Connor

10:02 - "Rhydwyn, twenty-two hours to places." - Jared

9:45 - "Jayce?  Is there a duck in the chimnea?"

9:27 - "Sweet tit of Brockness." - THE Rick Connor  Jen is so proud

9:23 - Miss Traysie is grateful for that adventure… and never wants to do it again.

9:13 - Brock flashes some nipple.  Awesome.

9:10 - "I’m going to abuse my sister and mother." Andy Croston in his Batman voice, quoting Christian Bale

9:09 - Andy demonstrates the no-handed push up.

8:53–Michele–"It tastes like a fruit."

8:50 - The way to Kim Kluge’s heart is through cow tails!!!

8:43 - I don’t know why, but it always cracks me up when Brock yells the line "I DON’T LIKE YOU!"  So simple, so playground.  Way to win the battle of wits, Napoleon!

8:42 - man… it’s a slow live blog night.  This is what they call the second night slump, folks.  Luckily, we’re doing our slumping on the blog, not on the stage.  Except for Traysie’s skirt.

8:27 - with a triumphant cackle, Rhydwyn harvests some sort of pre-fab food from the DG shelf.  Then he tries to break Mae’s DVD player.  Man.  Pick on someone your own size!

8:24 - Apparently something has gone wrong with Traysie’s dress… and she won’t be coming off stage any time soon.  Ah, the joys of live theatre.

8:21 - A particularly delighted laugh rings out… Alex wonders… "is it a chicken?"  My thought: who cares?  She’s enjoying herself and we love her for it!

8:06 - "If you are in places then you probably can’t hear me… so suck it!" - Jared

7:56 - "That’s an evolving door…" - Ryan

7:53 - "There’s nothing more attractive than fat, half-naked men." - Andy Croston

7:45 - Alex has made the executive decision - the light board is coming out of the booth and he’s going to sit backstage.

7:44 - Jared: Why are you holding the door open?  Brock: It’s the only way I can see the back of my head.

7:43 - "Do you need to be nipple twisted?" - Jared

7:42- "It’s a 1966 picture of what appears to be pajama day." - Jen

7:41 - The house is open… and Michele can’t reach the button.

7:38 - Jared mimes urinating on Andy.  At least we hope he’s miming. Says Jared: "If I was urinating, you would know."

7:37 - Jared announces the entrance of Naked Rhydwyn

7:29:  According to the vote, Andy always looks guilty.

7:27:  "You might as well say, ‘I only like you for your money.’"  "That’s what I tell boys all the time."  Kim’s got two in a row.

7:25:  "We learn for next time."  "Yep.  Smaller hole."

7:21–Three books, two iPods, and two DVDs make the Green Room a quiet place.  You can hear the conversations going on in the dressing rooms, which is far more entertaining.

7:14–After a few technical glitches, a.k.a. "the system is low on virtual memory," an error which is really quite impossible, because if it’s virtual, it doesn’t actually exist anywhere except in the computer’s virtual turd of a processor.  But now we’re back up and working again.

7:00 - Andy sings Oasis at the top of his lungs.

6:47:  Lauren-"Break legs, everyone."  Jared-"I was just planning on breaking couches."

6:46 Jared learns from YouTube why he should vote republican– i cannot be trusted to know who i can love, the republicans in government know best.

6:35 Michele starts the night be reliving favorite episodes of the Cosby show

Here we go:  Live blog of Opening Night!

10:05 "I don’t break things." –Andy

9:53 Jen is pelted with roses by her co-workers.

9:39 "Ew. That’s like schmegma." - Kluge (she’s on a roll ladies and gentlemen).

9:30 "I’ll have to whip it out tomorrow so we can do it."  - Kluge

9:25- The Bear begins.

9:21 - "Do we have a flasher in the lobby?" - Jared

9:20 - "Who needs Chekhov when you got Kluge." - Anne

9:07 - Andy is waxing philosophical about the nature of theatre.

9:05 - Man of Destiny has just ended… to the sound of thunderous applause!  One down, one to go!  YAY!!!

9:04 - "Hi boys, what would you like today?  Pot Roast or Green Beans?" - Kim

8:50–High five for Traysie as she comes through the green room.  It’s sounding great out there tonight, lots of energy and great pacing.

8:48–Everyone deals with the tension in their own ways.  Most of the stage crew just sits around and looks at each other while the casts pace about, trying to remember what in the world we’re supposed to be doing.  It’s quite the study in contrasts.

8:43- Clearly George is NOT ready for children. He seems to think it is OK to climb a ladder with only one arm- while carrying a baby in the other.

8:19- Kim always thought it was "overklempt"…. Hmmm….

8:16- Jen is "ferklempt." Her entire office is in the audience… and it’s Chicora night! We heart Brains on Fire!

8:05 - The backstage crew votes for a THE prior to Andy Croston’s name.  {Andy, once again, VETOES that idea.}

8:04–And now, the dulcet tones of Rhydwyn Davies and THE Brock Koonce open the show.

8:03–Curtain speech.  Just kidding about the opening in a minute. 

7:59–We open in a minute . . . .

7:48–"I put on Ryan’s costume."  Rhydwyn Davies.

7:44–"Let me burn it!  I like burning."  Kim.

7:43–"Brock wants to know how to stop bleeding mole."  Rhyd.

7:40 - "I like my bodice like I like my ass." - Traysie

7:37–"He is stage manager from hell."  THE Rick Connor.

7:31–"How many boyfriends do you have?"  "Like, nineteen."  "Isn’t that a vacuum cleaner?  That’s definitely a Dyson."  "Well, I need love."–Conversation between Rick and Kim.   

7:30:  What, exactly, makes the guys’ dressing room, "Alpha?"

7:12 - "Maybe if you put on a bunch of weight and lose it like that, your larynx doesn’t suck back up." - THE Rick Connor

7:10 - The Tromsness family negotiates Spiro Sketch under the table

7:09 - "Hey Rick!… and your head." Anne

7:08 - "Who wants Angel head?" Jared

7:07 - Rhyd: They were looking for you.  Alex: Who?  Rhyd: I don’t know.

7:06 Jared Waltzes through Greenroom with a gleam in his eye

7:01pm –Jayce has absolutely nothing to do.  His job is done here.  Although he did lose one of Brock’s socks and is trying to dodge out of having to do the curtain speech.

6:55–Rhyd gets the call for one hour to places.  Jared is really good at this passive-agressive thing.

6:47 "It’s like taking baby from a candy or butter through a hot knife." Andy

6:46 Katie Beth "Hey…. wait you have to see a picture of me dressed up as a man." Rhyd "I have a taste for women dressed up as men."

6:45 Rhyd "I can die happily now that I have heard a bunch of old Southern women say ‘ya ya’."

Here at last, here at last… the live blog is here at last…

10:32 "Thanks for keeping my kid up past her bedtime" Jayce

10:27 "Tell me about the thing they like next most"- BK

10:24 "I jump everyone" THE HONORABLE Brock Koonce

10:10 "how annoying am I????" Rhyd

10:00 "Mae never draws me" Rhyd

9:57–Andy does NOT deserve a THE.  That is reserved for THE Brock Koonce and THE Rick Connor.  Oh, and, OF COURSE, THE WILL RAGLAND ™.

9:25-Michele wants to know when Andy earned a "THE"

9:17- "Mix it down…We’ll just do a re-mix" - THE Andy Croston speaking in reference to "The Bear"

9:14 - "You bitch-slapped George Bernard Shaw!" - Anne

9:10 - "What are you doing Rhyd?  The white makeup is supposed to go in your beard, not all over your face.  Luka is not a ghost.  He’s just an old man." - Jayce

9:09 - Anne’s advice to the cast before our run of The Bear: "Grab it by your jewels."

9:01 - "You guys are at the point when you are pausing with line issues.  You gotta just move on through.  Well…except for Ryan.  He says some wierd Sh*t." - Jayce

8:52–"Is Giuseppe from New Jersey?" - Jared

8:45–Just listening to Man of Destiny over the speakers makes me laugh.  It’s a funny, funny show.

8:23 - Andy: You know what I like?  Mashed potatoes.  Kim: You know what I like?  Hammers.

8:03–"Was there a big queenie guy working at Starbucks today?" - Kim

7:55–"Pine-Sol and bubble bath." - Jayce again, going back-to-back.

7:54:  "This tastes like a Plug-In crossed with a Bayberry scented candle." - Jayce

7:40-7:45–Lots of gibberish over the intercom.  Mae tries, without success, to imitate her mother’s laugh.  Rhyd gets increasingly snippy with the incessant reminder of the time.  Mae’s mother, in retaliation, KOs Mae with the door.

7:38 - "Cork stealing bastards." - Jayce

7:32 - Rhydwyn enters the room… we start singing "Bohemian Rhapsody."  Hmmm.

7:30 - "The worst thing about the food industry is chafing." - Rhydwyn Davies

7:24 Jared realizes the last two nights backstage were much funnier

7:23 Mae has now convinced Michele to do Mae’s homework… clever teacher Michele is asking Mae to help as a tutor.

7:19 Jared "Live blog has started" Michele "Ok… someone say something funny"

7:18 Andy decides to go argue Medium vs. Grande at Starbucks

J-

As many of you know I love all things that are wrong.  The more horrible the humor the more I love it.  I recently received a forward that was full of inpirational pictures, and I just HAD to share a few of them.

Some of these may offend, but for others… please to enjoy your Friday inspiration:

"I see London, I … is that your bathing suit?"

Ms Traysie has been keeping the tradition alive by adding a few fun quotes during the first few rehearsals of The Man of Destiny.  Please to enjoy:

"MMMMM… Tastes like adultary" and "the boob grab always goes honk"