I’ve been giving Jayce a lot of crap here on the blog.  Taking what are really very good directorial insights completely out of context, making him sound just plain crazy.

Well, last night our assistant director Erin chimed in and earned herself a place in out of context rehearsal quote history.  And just in time.  She’s on her way out to Denver to participate in the National Theatre Company Summer Intensive Acting Program.  So… as a farewell… here it is:

"Why not take the rhinocerous instead of the duck?"

We all know Chernobyl, right? Horrible, tragic nuclear accident that occurred a mere 22 years ago.  Knowing that pesky nuclear rate of decay, it’s still a pretty dangerous area, yeah? 

Well, it seems that a couple of morons decided to try to steal a helicopter from the radiation zone.  Why?  To turn it into a coffee shop. 

That’s a triple shot of something. 

Hey gang!

You know… we are an independent theater company… so I just feel the urge to share this with you. You see, in my other life as a grown-up working at Brains on Fire, I spent a lot of time last year working with the American Booksellers Association. It’s the association of independent booksellers across the country. And it’s an amazing group of people. Really… I LOVE them! And last night they made an amazing announcement to their membership, devoting themselves to independent businesses and localism. IndieBound will be finding its way into local bookstores and businesses throughout the coming year, so be looking for it! And in the meanwhile, enjoy the Declaration of Independents! Then go support a local business!

Don’t worry… I’ll post something irreverent and pointless later today.

Do you remember a couple of years ago when there was this Canadian guy who was making his social protests by throwing pies at political figures?  I really admire that guy.  So, as a tribute to that guy, and based on the political and culturally critical nature of some of our posts, we need to start a segment dedicated specifically to people who deserve a good pie in the face.  So… as the first installment in this series, I would like to direct you to this story.  Apparently, Dunkin Donuts recently pulled an ad they had launched to promote their iced coffee.  Featured in this ad was the ever perky Ms. Rachel Ray.

But guess what?  She’s a terrorist.

Or so sayeth ridiculous, attention mongering, right wing blogger, Michelle Malkin.  She decided that the scarf worn by The Girly Gourmet looked like a kaffiyeh - a traditional scarf worn by many Middle Eastern cultures.  Of course, the real absurdity here is not whether or not she was wearing a kaffiyeh, or even something inspired by a kaffiyeh (which, let’s be logical here - it’s Rachel Ray - and it’s a black and white scarf - according to Dunkin Donuts, it’s a PAISLEY black and white scarf).  The real absurdity is her assumption that anyone wearing a kaffiyeh supports terrorism.  But hey… your blog gets picked up when you say something outrageous and offensive enough, so what’s the incentive to be remotely logical or tolerant or balanced?  So really… is it Malkin who deserves a pie in the face?  Or is it society?

Right now, I’ll settle for Malkin.  But society… I’m watching you.

And of course… still collecting out of context gems from our fearless director…

"You’ve just become smut merchants… peddlers of porn!"

Well… Taming of the Shrew is still plugging along.  In fact, we’ve blocked the entire first act (which is really, like, 3 acts and some change, so that’s a pretty good accomplishment for three nights of rehearsal!).  And let me just tell you, if the fresh bruise on my forearm is any indication, this is gonna be hilarious (cuz after all… there’s nothing funnier than other people hurting themselves)!  Man, this is a knock-down drag-out (and, frankly, make out) experience.  And I’m not even gonna tell you about Kate, Bianca… and the plunger.

Now, last night I was pretty busy beating the crap out of people, and having the crap beat out of me… but here are some photos from the previous night’s rehearsal.  

Bianca… the little hussy.

I’m not sure what he’s pointing at… but I’m sure it’s dirty.

This is not a great photo per se, but make sure to check out what Andy’s up to in the background.

In fact, this may prove that there is no bottom to how bad both Reality TV and MTV are going to get.  this coming from me (jared) who spent 4 good years not knowing there was TV outside of MTV, MTV2, VH1 and Comedy Central.

Ok, obviously i’m getting old now, but I am disturbed by the latest MTV Reality show.  For those of you who are not as cool as me.  Last year rapper T.I. was arrested for violating probation in trying to buy enough automatic assault rifles to start a small ghetto Atlanta Army.  Instead of getting the  multi year prison sentance of someone who isn’t famous, he was given community service and one year in jail.  Making sure that his career is improved by his criminal activity MTV is now going to do a show based on him doing his community service! 

"T.I.’s legal woes head to MTV reality show

May 28, 2008

The new reality show will follow the troubled rapper as he performs his community service ahead of a one-year prison sentence for illegal possession of firearms"

Today’s lesson (maybe this should be on the rainbow annie blog)- Kids it is ok to try to buy masses of weapons to kill people, as long as you get a show out of it– and MTV is there to help!

Don’t worry… these useful posts about process and rehearsal and the show won’t get in the way of my endless quest to quote Jayce out of context!

"It might be fun if you push on his tummy and do like a puppy grunt."

Well, last night we started blocking Taming of the Shrew.  It’s at this point when you start to realize just how short the rehearsal period really is.  After all, we open on June 19th.  Yikes!  Still, last night we got started with what’s known as The Iduction.  You see, Taming of the Shrew is actually a play within a play.  There is an induction - sort of an intro - that sets the scene of Christopher Sly.  He’s a drunk who’s pissed off the Hostess of the tavern one too many times.  So she and the servants of the tavern set him up to believe that he’s some fancy-pants rich guy who’s been hallucinating for fifteen years that he’s some poor drunkard.  They set him up in a nice room, wait on him hand and foot, introduce him to his wife (you can’t WAIT to see his wife)… and then some players come in and put on this play for him.  A lot of productions leave out the Induction, but not us!  Nope! 

And then… of course, we jumped WAY out of order and blocked Act IV Scene ii.  The wedding.  Talk about a Bridezilla, eh?  Well… a Groomzilla, anyway.  Kate is so misunderstood!*

*Note: The author of these blog posts is actually playing Kate, the so-called "Shrew."  So enjoy your chance to see things from her perspective for once!  You heard me… ENJOY IT!

Third in my installment of posts quoting Jayce’s directorial insights out of context:

"The quick brown beer tasted like a lazy fox."