Next week, Ann Coulter (the level-headed and intellectual political pundit known to call John Edwards names and to assert that women should not be allowed to vote [I’m not kidding]) will be speaking at Furman here in lovely Greenville, SC.  And today it was announced that next month, good ol’ Dubbya himself will be speaking at their graduation.  You know… why stop at Ann Coulter and Dubbya?  Why not just have Karl Rove officiate at the baccalaureate mass and Dick Cheney take everyone out for a stroll around the campus (my advice… DUCK when passing by the lake with all the geese.) to round out the whole experience?  We could throw in Obama’s crazy preacher pal to make sure that we’re bipartisan on the intolerance-o-meter. 

Anyway… I will set aside my event planning for a moment to address next week’s event.  Since I understand that there is going to be a question and answer period with Ms. Coulter, I would like to suggest some questions that might be appropriate for those disillusioned students:

• How can you justify your statement that women should not be allowed to vote?  Aren’t you alienating yourself along with more than 50% of the population?
• I have a follow up to the first question - are you in fact a robot, and hence, not concerned with gender?
• And another follow up - should robots be allowed to vote?  Or could we just turn that over entirely to the voting machine companies and let them pre-program the president?  It would take care of that pesky "democracy" thing altogether.  Phew!
• One final question - Does it hurt when you have your soul removed?

Okay… I’m going to be a little gross today, but I sorta feel like this is a necessary conversation.  Hey… women of the world… listen up and listen good:

Stop hovering.

Men can pee standing up, but that also tends to mean some mess is inevitable.  That’s the trade off.  However, I feel like lately, I have seen more evidence of the whole female bathroom hover phenomenon than ever before.  And it needs to stop.  If nobody hovers, no one will need to hover!  Let’s band together to make this world a better, hover-free place!

There… I’m done being gross.

Now go make your reservation for I Love You Because tonight or tomorrow.  It’s awesome.  And if you see it, you’ll be awesome too.  See how that works?