Today a coworker of mine brought up an article in a new magazine he had discovered:

That is correct.  GARDEN & GUN magazine.  Even scarier is the subline:

21st Century Southern America

Apparently that sums up the South.  Gardens and Guns.  Why not just call it Little Old Ladies and Rednecks? 

{sigh} 

An email from Jared today.  This drug might actually cause The Distracted Globe to cease to exist!  Make sure to click on it to get the full effect.

Last night, Jared and Michele and Jen drove down to Columbia to do a brief improv gig to bring a little levity to the managers’ meeting for the South Financial Group.  Unfortunately, schedules and sound systems changed the plans, and our set ended up being cut short, but we still had a GREAT time and wanted to send a big ol’ thanks to the South Financial Group, Carolina First, Mercantile Bank and the Hughes Agency for bringing us down there and letting us be a little disruptive for a little while.  Everyone needs a little disruption now and then!

And tell those folks from Central Florida that they’re great sports… and to keep up the good work! 

Last night we were flipping through the channels and found a Meat Loaf concert.  Now, Meat Loaf is looking pretty old… kinda more like Brian Dennehy than a  rockstar.  So we looked it up.  The man is 61 years old!!!!!  He looked like he was on the verge of a massive coronary for the entire concert!  It must be nerve-wracking for the band.  You know they’ve got defibrillator paddles all over that place!

Anyway… with that in mind… your little slice of happy:

Found via this blog 

As the hit musical Avenue Q proved, it will ALWAYS be funny to make fun of Gary Coleman.  And this is no exception.  Apparently the 40-year-old former child star is in the process of filing for divorce from his 22-year-old wife of 8 months.  Of course, where do you file for divorce if you’re a former child star looking for attention you don’t deserve?  You do it on Divorce Court!  That’s right!  Despite the fact that he apparently throws temper tantrums and has no friends (and doesn’t want any because people stab you in the back), he still gets to be in focus in the publicity still… and not-famous-wife-chick just ends up being all blurry in the foreground, dreaming about her book deal, or her made for TV movie, or her Avenue Q cameo.

I don’t know why… I just had to share. 

Let’s face it.  The Distracted Globe hangs out with some truly awesome people (with the notable exception of Brock, of course).  There’s Doll Imago, who we posted about yesterday.  There’s the incomparable Davis family… full of talent and energy.  There’s the revolving door of ridiculous talent that IS the Warehouse Journeymen.  There is Michele - the woman with more experience and less ego than anyone on the planet.  I could go on like this all day.  Seriously.  We have awesome friends.

And tonight, one of those awesome friends is doing something… well… awesome.  DG friend and soon-to-be cast member, Craig(e), will be performing in the wee hours this evening in the Rocky Horror Picture Show at Easley Cinemas!  It’s tonight at midnight… I guess they do this the last Friday of every month.  I have, of course, seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show… but I personally have never been to one of the live/movie performances… In Portland there were all kinds of die hard people who brought supplies and there were key moments in the evening when first-timers would reveal themselves and then be tortured.  I have heard many a tale from my braver friends.  And I have no idea of they are that hard core out in Easley… but I can’t wait to find out.  Because tonight is my maiden voyage to a live Rocky Horror Picture Show… and it is in Easley, SC.  I’m all about adventure.  Michele and I will be there… will you!?!?

One of the good friends of The Distracted Globe is a pretty great musician who goes by the handle Doll Imago.  In her other life, she has also been a huge help at the theatre, working backstage on almost everything at the Warehouse this season, as well as helping out with Rainbow Annie, and even performing in The Vagina Monologues.  And today, she is releasing her first EP on the Summer Rain label.  It’s called Like a Flower Through Concrete.  You’ve gotta love that image, yeah?  This label is very cool, in that they donate 5% of the sales to a charity of the artist’s choice - in this case, the Greenville Rape Crisis and Child Abuse Center.  You can buy her album on iTunes, and several other online music retailers, and I suggest you go ahead and do it!  On iTunes, it’s just $4!  It does have a Parental Advisory Notice, just as an FYI.  But seriously, go out there, get some great music and support a great friend, and a great cause!

You can’t help but love a day when the first headline you see on your news service (not even in the offbeat section… in the legit news section) is:

Penis Theft Panic Hits City.

I mean seriously, folks!  LOST is back tonight, it’s Theatre Thursday at the Northgate Soda Shop… and somewhere in the Congo witch doctors are magically shrinking and stealing penises.

It’s gonna be that kind of day. 

This morning the gym TV was tuned to a different local newscast than usual.  During the whole newscast, they had a headline ticker running at the bottom of the screen.  And just so that we wouldn’t get confused, there was a label to let us know what category of the news was running by: business, health, disasters (I’m not kidding… that was a real label).  At one point, the Education label popped up.  And these were the headlines:

"American Idol hopeful David Archuleta will miss his high school prom in Utah."

"University of Colorado police say that they did not write any tickets at this year’s marijuana smoke-in." 

Wow.  I feel better about the state of education in this country already.  Don’t you?

I live in a world of misplaced apostrophes.  It seems that the use of that particular punctuation was just plain skipped in most people’s education.  Everywhere I go, there’s a sign talking about a sale on CD’s (on CD’s what?  What belonging of the CD is on sale?), or there’s a website inviting you to the award’s banquet (so nice to throw a banquet in honor of that one award).  And the itsos are everywhere!  What’s an itso, you ask?  It’s the inability to choose correctly between its and it’s… even twice within the same sentence.  And of course, apostrophes dangle their little toes into the you’re/your issue… another that seems so simple, but is so unbelievably often mistaken.  I remember driving by a church that proclaimed, in all its evangelical glory "You’re judgment is at hand!"  And Dunkin Donuts had a special on "pizza’s" not so long ago.  Of course, at the very least, those last two were temporary signs.  Some moron typed them in, and tommorrow that moron will type in something else egregiously incorrect.  But it never ceases to amaze me that people pay good money to print permanent signs and programs and websites… and no one thinks to proof read them.  Misspellings don’t usually change the meaning of the word, they’re just wrong.  But a misplaced apostrophe actually changes what you are saying.  It just gets under my skin.

My world is filled with typos.  Sometimes I even find typos in finished, printed, bought-’em-at-Barnes-&-Noble books!  How is that possible?!?!  I won’t claim that I never make a typo.  Of course I do.  And I try to coexist peacefully.  But if, one day, you turn on the news to see the still-burning remains of a billboard advertising "Firework’s… Next Exit!"… well…

There.  That is your slightly disturbing peek into my psyche for today.  Go watch some Distracted Videos or look at some Distracted Photos or something productive like that. 

Update: Our friend Rachael tried to leave a link to this article in the comments, but she was denied by our spam filter.  But the link was so good, I had to post it.  Take that, Spaminator!